Email this topic to a friend Printer-friendly version of this topic		Previous Topic | Next Topic
Home Conferences Migraine Discussion (Protected)
Original message

02R96	Nov-28-09, 11:15 PM (CMT)
"Migraines and Marrage"
Are migraines putting a strain on anyone's marriage? I have some degree of headache every day. This means I'm using some sort of pain killer (narcotic or non-narcotic) any any given time. As many of you know they can sap the energy or motivation right out of you. Which means some things around the house just don't get done in a timely manner; I just don't have the energy and I end up sleeping a lot. We always get into arguments about this (which feels really great with a migraine). She keeps saying something's got to change... OK, tell me WHAT!? I've been to, and done everything the various doctors have asked me to try and nothing has worked. So now I'm enrolled in another pain clinic program (12 week), but it doesn't start until January. So what if this doesn't work? Is divorce in my future because of something I can't control? Damn it, I need an advocate not an advisory! -Daniel I hate who I've become, trying to escape who I am...
Alert	Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

RE: Migraines and Marrage, baileyrox, Nov-28-09, (1) RE: Migraines and Marrage, baileyrox, Nov-28-09, (2) RE: Migraines and Marrage, Ella, Nov-29-09, (3) RE: Migraines and Marrage, tecky, Nov-29-09, (4) RE: Migraines and Marrage, Rachel328, Nov-29-09, (5) RE: Migraines and Marrage, 02R96, Nov-29-09, (6) RE: Migraines and Marrage, ruth, Nov-29-09, (7) RE: Migraines and Marrage, crt, Nov-30-09, (8) RE: Migraines and Marrage, Rachel328, Nov-30-09, (9) RE: Migraines and Marrage, alli, Nov-30-09, (10) RE: Migraines and Marrage, tecky, Nov-30-09, (11) RE: Migraines and Marrage, alli, Dec-01-09, (12) RE: Migraines and Marrage, Olee, Dec-05-09, (13) RE: Migraines and Marrage, planobizman, Dec-11-09, (14) RE: Migraines and Marrage, estre004, Dec-14-09, (15) Migraines and marriage..., Cindy*W, Dec-16-09, (16)

Lobby | Topics | Previous Topic | Next Topic

Messages in this topic

baileyrox	Nov-28-09, 11:24 PM (CMT)
1. "RE: Migraines and Marrage"
Yah, I hear ya......my hub and I had a huge fight on Thanksgiving and I was still recovering from a migraine the night before......you would think he could hold back his temper when I'm suffering...... I still managed to cook a turkey, but that was about it.......couldn't wait for him to leave for the weekend for work......ughhhhhhhhh People without migraines just don't understand that it's a chronic disease not a fricken headache...... I'm sorry........I'm negative, having a terrible week and terrified that this migraine is trying to come back.
Remove | Alert	Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

baileyrox	Nov-28-09, 11:24 PM (CMT)
2. "RE: Migraines and Marrage"
LAST EDITED ON Nov-28-09 AT 11:45 PM (CMT) Yah, I hear ya......my hub and I had a huge fight on Thanksgiving and I was still recovering from a migraine the night before......you would think he could hold back his temper when I'm suffering...... I still managed to cook a turkey, but that was about it.......couldn't wait for him to leave for the weekend for work......ughhhhhhhhh People without migraines just don't understand that it's a chronic disease not a fricken headache...... I'm sorry........I'm negative, having a terrible week and terrified that this migraine is trying to come back.
Remove | Alert	Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

	Ella	Nov-29-09, 06:37 AM (CMT)
	3. "RE: Migraines and Marrage"
	I have found over the years that the only people with true empathy towards us were those who also suffered. My ex lost patience and even my Dad doesn't truly understand (and that's so disappointing). My daughter also suffers and I pray she doesn't grow as bad I have. My son doesn't get any migraines so the way I was able to get him to understand the awfulness was to say if he imagines his worst ever hangover x 1000 that will give him a clue. That worked and he's now a great support. So, I would love to meet someone to share my life with again but I dread how they would react to the days I need quiet and a dark room. I therefore have made no effort to find anyone. Still, on a positive note, I do have some good days and I cherish those. Work colleagues are bored by hearing about migraines so they never know I'm unwell unless I have to leave because I'm feeling sick.
	Remove | Alert	Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

tecky	Nov-29-09, 09:56 AM (CMT)
4. "RE: Migraines and Marrage"
Dan, Yes, I hear ya too. Because of the chronic daily headache escalating to a severe migraine 3-5 times a week, together with the pain in my neck, shoulders and upper back, I have been sleeping in a recliner in a bedroom in the basement vacated by my sons when they both grew up and moved out. This has been for about 2 years now. I also have insomnia, bothered by my husband's snoring. Laying flat in our bed creates pressure in my head and worsens the upper back pain. I hear it from family quite a bit, "why can't you at least sleep with your husband?". Easy for them to say. Needless to say, most days I don't have the energy or feel well enough to do much around the house. I do what I can, when I can. I keep up on the laundry, paying bills, insurance claims, balancing the checkbook, and most of the housework. Meals are very simple. But these things are done on a much slower pace and with a much lower level of perfection than I've required of myself in the past. My husband does the grocery shopping and errands, as well as the yard work (our hard is over 2 acres). My husband is very social (extrovert), and I often hear him telling someone that he'll be going somewhere "alone again". Sometimes this really bothers me, but I know I just can't help it. Sometimes it angers me, because he gets everyones' sympathy while I'm the one at home suffering in pain, truly alone (after all, he's the one getting to go out). We've been married 27 years. My migraines have definitely been a challenge. While my husband is really a very caring and compassionate person, there is no way he can understand feeling like this day in and day out. The constant pain wears one down. Sorry, I don't have any pearls of wisdom or suggestions for you. Just try to battle through day by day. One day at a time. As long as a spouse can see that you're truly trying to make an effort to get better, they must try to be understanding of the toll these things take on us. Following is a good place to go for recommended reading for spouses (might help them understand at least a little bit): http://www.helpforheadaches.com/lwfiles/family-mig-letter.htm All I can offer is.....hang in there and keep working at trying to find something that will allow you to live (believe me, I'm still trying). Take care, Becky
Remove | Alert	Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Rachel328	Nov-29-09, 11:49 AM (CMT)
5. "RE: Migraines and Marrage"
Dan, I know you are going through a really rough patch with your wife. I'm having troubles with my husband, too. Some of my pain meds make me extra sensitive, extra iritable and extra paranoid. So I can go from cuddly to accusing him of cheating in minutes. Things don't get done around the house and I'm ok with that. As long as the kitchen and bathrooms are clean I'm ok. As long as I do his laundry, he's ok. become He doesn't understand that going out to dinner is bothersome, but he gets tired of take out. He freaking doesn't understand that I can stll hear the downstairs tv when I'm upstairs but it's a fight I've fought every day and lost. I would lime more love and support. I would like him go put his arms around me and tell me it's going to be ok, even though I'm freaking out. I would like him to tell me that it's ok and probably normal to freak out. But he's not like that. I've had to build my own support network and yes, it sucks, because you think that person would be your spouse. I have a best friend, but she has a husband and a daughter. I have my mom - yup, 34 years old and I talk to my mom 4 times a day, I have facebook friends and I have this network. I sleep a lot and drain my iPhone. That's my day. And Dan, you know how people have "work husbands" well, I'll be your "migraine wife" if you'll be my "migraine husband." it has to go both ways. Oh yeah ... And counseling ... I'm looking into that starting tomorrow.
Remove | Alert	Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

	02R96	Nov-29-09, 09:01 PM (CMT)
	6. "RE: Migraines and Marrage"
	LAST EDITED ON Nov-29-09 AT 09:01 PM (CMT) It's a deal. I'd love to take you on a honeymoon, but not right now; I have a headache... Dan I hate who I've become, trying to escape who I am...
	Remove | Alert	Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

	ruth	Nov-29-09, 10:23 PM (CMT)
	7. "RE: Migraines and Marrage"
	So sorry to hear what you are going through. I am fortunate enough to have a husband that has always been very supportive. The only time we got into a nasty argument was many many years ago when I became addicted to Fiorinal thanks to the migraines, he was really mad at me and I remember crying and thinking it's not my fault, if only my doctors had warned me these pills were highly addictive. I soon got off the pills as I was taking about 100 a week!! It's a wonder I'm still alive.
	Remove | Alert	Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

	crt	Nov-30-09, 02:15 AM (CMT)
	8. "RE: Migraines and Marrage"
	I sympathize. Like others have said, it's very difficult for folks who have not experienced migraine or other chronic pain to relate. I am extremely fortunate to have a partner who is understanding and who gently takes care of me when I'm having a rough time. He doesn't have migraines but he does have chronic pain from several injuries including those he got in the military. Some days I need to take care of him and do so willingly. Other days he takes care of me. We help each other. So far we haven't both been in bad shape on the same day, but if we are, I know we can work it out. Last month when I ended up in the hospital with severe dehydration and pneumonia, I probably would not have sought medical help if he hadn't pushed me to do so. Some folks have had their partners visit Ronda's here to try to get an understanding what it is like for us. I don't know if that would work for your wife or not. But perhaps if she read about others' battles with migraine she could get a broader perspective. Chris
	Remove | Alert	Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

	Rachel328	Nov-30-09, 11:29 AM (CMT)
	9. "RE: Migraines and Marrage"
	Dan - not tonight. I have a headache. sent you an email
	Remove | Alert	Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

	alli	Nov-30-09, 11:37 AM (CMT)
	10. "RE: Migraines and Marrage"
	Oh yeah... It took a toll. After I left my husband he actually thought that "my migraines would go away since I wasn't stressed about the marraige any more". Riiiiight. After 18 years of being together with me having migraines the entire time, he still didn't get that it is a neurological disease and not something I can control. He also did not believe that my daughter was really having migraines when she started having them. She was supposedly just mimicing me so she could get out of doing things. It really took a toll on their relationship. Sometimes people just don't get it. Does your wife go to your doctor appointments with you? If not, having her go with you might help her understand the disease better. I hope things work out for you. Alli Life is short. Live each day to the fullest.
	Remove | Alert	Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

	tecky	Nov-30-09, 05:04 PM (CMT)
	11. "RE: Migraines and Marrage"
	> Does your wife go >to your doctor appointments with >you? If not, having >her go with you might >help her understand the disease >better. Good suggestion, Alli! However, how do you go about getting your spouse interested in learning more about migraine disease and your treatment? My husband has gone with me to some appointments, but he avoids them if at all possible (he says he's heard it all before and he knows what migraines are). After an appointment that he has not gone to with me, I try to give him a summary of what the doctor said, but I don't know if it holds as much weight as if he were personally present at the appointment. My husband picks up all of my prescriptions from the pharmacy (I'm thankful for that), but I don't think he actually knows what meds I'm on at any particular time, or what each of the meds is supposed to do and the possible side-effects. I email articles on migraines, I've emailed him interesting threads from Rondas, and I try to share what's going on with me on a daily basis. Even yet, I don't think my husband really gets it or takes enough interest to know what's going on. This especially bothers me in that if an emergency were to arise and I couldn't relay all of this information, what would happen (I always carry an up-to-date list of current meds in my purse, and I think my husband knows this, but???). I guess this is probably off topic, but isn't part of having our spouses be more understanding, to have them be more interested in learning about the disease and the treatments we're on? Becky
	Remove | Alert	Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

	alli	Dec-01-09, 11:00 AM (CMT)
	12. "RE: Migraines and Marrage"
	LAST EDITED ON Dec-01-09 AT 11:03 AM (CMT) I agree Becky.. they have to want to know. My ex just didn't want to believe it was a neurological problem. He wanted it to be mental so that I "could get over it". He went to appointments with me, I gave him articles to read, talked to him about it but he just didn't want to change his ideas about migraine. He had the same response when my daughter started having migraines at age 8. She was just mimicing me to get out of doing things. Can you imagine how hurtful that is to a child when their father is telling them they are lying about their pain? When I started seeing a psycho-therapist and he still just wanted me to just get over my issues and be a stepford wife, I finally had enough and left. My ex had his own issues he refused to deal with so his inability to support me and our daughter was more a reflection upon his problems, not mine. I would hope that other spouses would be more supportive, even if they don't understand the disease. It is tough when the person you have pledged your life to can't understand what you are going through, but I would hope that getting a some knowledge would help with understanding. Alli Life is short. Live each day to the fullest.
	Remove | Alert	Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

	Olee	Dec-05-09, 09:04 PM (CMT)
	13. "RE: Migraines and Marrage"
	Even if any of us are lucky enough to have a spouse who cares, they still cannot truly understand unless they have walked in our shoes. I hate to be so blunt, but migraines are just one of those things that are hard to describe without actually experiencing the horrible event. I guess that's what makes it more relieving when we find someone who shares our misery.
	Remove | Alert	Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

planobizman	Dec-11-09, 01:40 AM (CMT)
14. "RE: Migraines and Marrage"
i bet the BLU MJK PAIN TREATMENT will help both,,the marraig and your migraines,, it's a non script over the counter product that you rub on to where your headache is coming from,,and OMG does it work fast,,like one minute,,and its gone! the say,,STRONG AS A NARCOTIC, SAFE AS ASPIRIN. WWW.ERASE-PAIN.COM good luck bob in texas
Remove | Alert	Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

estre004	Dec-14-09, 09:19 AM (CMT)
15. "RE: Migraines and Marrage"
Daniel. Nobody can understand this horrible disease unless they experience it themselves (this includes our doctors). There was an excellent article published and is on this forum somewhere. I just tried finding it without any luck. Can someone else help him? It tries to describe the migraine to those who do not understand. You might try to showing this to your wife.
Remove | Alert	Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Cindy*W	Dec-16-09, 12:13 PM (CMT)
16. "Migraines and marriage..."
For years this was a problem for my husband. He couldn't understand how I could be sick so much and how I took so much medication. He was always joking about it when we were around other people. He would get upset because the housework didn't get done as often as he would have liked. I used to be a meticulous housekeeper so it was stressful for me too that I couldn't get it done. Anyway, about a year ago, we had to take him to the ER because he was short of breath. He was in A Fib and was diagnosed with a leaky mitral valve. They decided that it wasn't bad enough to do surgery at this time so he is on lots of meds to keep his heart in a normal rhythm. Anytime he goes into A Fib, he has to go to the Er and they have to shock his heart back into a normal rhythm. Needless to say, he is much more understanding now about my situation. I hate it that he has this illness, but we get along much better and he now understands why I can't always get things done. We take care of each other now. Cindy
Remove | Alert	Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Lock | Archive | Remove

Lobby | Topics | Previous Topic | Next Topic

Select another forum Lobby Migraine Discussion (Conference)   |--New Forum for migrainepage.com (Protected)   |--Migraine Discussion (Protected)   |--Migraines in Children (Protected)   |--Miscellaneous (Protected)   |--Migriane Petition (Protected)   |--Where are we? (Protected)   |--Photo Album (Protected)

Please help this site run smoothly by reading and and following the rules.

DISCLAIMER: This website is intended to provide a forum for the free exchange of information only. The maintainer of this site (Ronda Solberg) in no way sponsors, supports or condones any of the advice given herein, nor supports the use of any medication, supplement, herb, substance or program, except pursuant to a licensed medical practitioner's care. In no way does the maintainer of this site advocate the use of any illegal medication, herb, supplement or other substance or the importation, distribution or sale thereof. Persons who have any question about the legality of any action that they are planning to take are advised to consult an attorney.

The views and opinions of posters to this web site do not necessarily state or reflect the opinion of this site's maintainer. Likewise, the maintainer of this site will not be held responsible for the availability or content of the sites linked to by this site, nor warrants or guarantees the information described or offered at these sites. Furthermore, migrainepage.com nor the maintainer of migrainepage.com does not warrant or assume any legal liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information, apparatus, product, medicine, or process mentioned on this web site.