This section of the migraine site is a place to showcase the creative things brought forth from the pain and frustration of migraines. Finding a creative outlet may not only help you to deal with your situation, but bring someone else hope, understanding, or a smile as well. Included here are all sorts of migraine art and images, whether it be poetry, stories, drawings, paintings, computer art, etc. If you have any to share, please e-mail them to:
Images and text may not be used or reproduced without prior and individual written consent of the artist.
"migraine pics 011" by
"migraine pics 013" by
"migraine pics 014" by
, a performance artist who is currently working on a piece about migraine headaches called "Know Headache, Know Pain (No Headache, No Pain)"
A Sciart project that aims to explore the creative process in non-representational art, investigating why some 'art' in the general sense can affect people - art that 'catches the eye and hits the head'. The project is a collaboration between the artist
, who's paintings are inspired by her own migraine experiences, and the scientist Arnold Wilkins at the University of Essex.
without warning the serpent's vice-like grip begins. The strangle hold begins at the top of my back and within 20 minutes has slunk it's way to the top of my head, wrapping it's constricting tail around my temples. The right side of my brain chokes on the bitter venom which pours out and streams down the muscles in my neck and heats the side of my face. I can taste it in my mouth. I roll my eyes back into my head and am blocked by a brick wall.
Slowly, my right eye twitches and begins to blur and the toxin, now settled securely, begins to pulsate. The throbbing is intense and I blink and cringe at the smallest light source.
And then...the poison drips acidic byproduct into my stomach as my insides turn over and give up.
Soon, I begin to get a chill. The warmth of my coat or the blanket only intensifies the nausea, so I opt for the cold. The shiver of the cold, however, only amplifies the rhythm of the throbbing.
Shortly, my neck begins to bob and fall under the pressure..as if the snake had been carrying a load of bricks, adding them one by one to my crown, making it near impossible for my shoulders to balance this new handicap. As my neck stiffens under the excessive load, my shoulders tense and the muscles down my back strain.
My entire body mourns my torture.
I close my eyes and pray. I pray intense and incoherent pleading streams. The tears fall unnoticed...out of habit...out of pain and out of anger.
I am tired. I am tired of fighting this reoccurring battle and yet pissed at the culprit. How dear he (I just know it is a he) invade me unwelcome. How dare he turn my world upsidedown at the worst possible time. The vice morphs into a jackhammer with scattered debris rolling around in my head. Like a pregnant woman contracting, I know the pain will peak, then eventually subside..but that is no consolation now. I can't even see the top, much less the other side.
The pain transports me and I float above life, looking down at a world that I know must be carrying on as usual, but I look around to see if anyone can hear the same obnoxious drumming I hear...the same hysterical screams...the same tornado that is tearing me apart. How can they not?
The colors around me all become one. My entire world becomes grey and fuzzy, with intermittent flashes of searing hot pink. I recoil at the neon demons and curl into a ball. My teeth ache and my jaw winces at the reverb from it.
I pray and plead for a shovel. A sharp shovel. All I want to do is reach into my head and dig out the pain. I want to dig hard and fast. Perhaps I can just dig it out with my bare hands. Perhaps I can just cut that part of my head right off. That would show it. I am furious and scared. I am a little baby. I am helpless. I am trapped in this dungeon and I cannot see the way out.
"Please God. OH God, PLEASE take it away. Please take it away! I know you can."
The vice remains and I contemplate puking. I contemplate death. Death sounds so good. So calm. No storm. No thrashing serpent. No tornado. No construction machinery. That's what I'll do. Yes. I'll just close my eyes and pray for death. Even a slow one. Just, without the pain.
The clock ticks and the pain remains. Maybe I should make friends with him. Maybe he'll be nicer, then. I'll trick him with love. I'll kill him with kindness. My anger must just make it worse, right? So I reach out and touch the pain. "Grab my hand, " I say. I'd like to get to know you better and love you" If I love you more, better, will you stop hurting me? I stroke him and squeeze him and try my hardest to understand him. The vice tightens so I let go. "I hate you, you bastard!" "I hate your sickening face! " I give up. You win. Call me when it's over, will you?
Helpless again, I relinquish my last ounce of control and crawl onto the raft. I let my self float out to sea, riding the waves of pain, a stranded victim of a hideous crash. The cold fingers of the waves wrap around my head, around my face and seduce my back. They beg me to come under water, but my fingers desperately grasp the raft. Their cold grip pinches as they arch into me, begging me to come to their dark place.
The world is still unfocused and the ride churns my reality, making the objects around me bob up and down. The waves crash and my universe spins out of control.
By now I'm drenched....from tears, from sweat,...from the waves. The dirty, black constricting waves of pain and nausea. I close my eyes and slip underwater...just..for ......a .....few ......minutes.
When I awaken, the vice has dulled, but the nausea is in my throat. I rush to the garbage can, but nothing happens. The toxic rancor clings to the sides of my throat and stomach and my head floats. The magic anti-venom that I swallowed an hour ago seems to be putting up a fight. Slowly I feel the vice loosen ever so slightly and the concrete dust debris settle into one location. The waves I am floating on turn warm and begin to change from black to grey to a dull golden hue. I begin to dry off as the raft deposits me safely back on shore. My heart races with the quickening, jittery fuel of the medicine. I can feel the soothing chemical pouring through my veins like cool lava on a scorched earth. The gentle cool makes it's way down my head and neck and the after-effect leaves my me heady and other-worldly. My eyes widen and I allow the light in once again. I feel as if I've just awaken from a long nap. I blink my eyes and touch my head. My scalp is electric and my head is fuzzy with a dull memory of an ache.
I think I have survived. Yes, I am a survivor. "Thank you God!"
I've reached the other side.
The Little Migraine Workers
11/20/99 If you have read extensively, you have certainly heard of the twiddlebugs. There are many varied species of small creatures from Tinkerbell to Kermit to Antz. But have you ever heard of the Little Migraine Workers? They are a highly innovative tight-knit group. Their latest invention consists of a small suction cup which attaches to the back of the eye with a series of metal stakes (installed by a jackhammer). A rubber band at the back of the cup attaches to a spit-like device that can be turned repeatedly until the rubber band finally snaps -- hitting the back of the eye with a jolt. But of course the Little Migraine Workers don't want the rubberband to break until each little guy (they must be guys) has had his 'turn.' These little critters are very ingenius. It was extremely difficult to develop a jackhammer small enough to fit inside the head of their host. And we won't even mention the signal the jackhammer can send to the stomach to cause regurgitation. One of their most simplistic creations can be the most painful to their victim. The Little Migraine Workers take a balloon and blow it up and then blow it up some more. Then they let the air out and start over. It causes excruciating pain. The little torturers just love this one, and can keep it up for hours. Sometimes the Little Migraine Workers want to see the outside world. So they made a little device powered by a hydraulic pump. They use it to pry open the retina. This allows bright light to rush into the eye, causing severe agony. The pump can also be moved to the ear to magnify sound a thousand times. The only saving grace is that the Little Migraine Workers can hibernate for long periods of time. But when they wake up they're loaded for bear and may try to use all of their inventions at once. And they pick the most inopportune time they can possibly come up with to arise from their dormancy and wreak havoc on your nerves. So even if you have never encountered the Little Migraine Workers, beware -- they may only be hibernating.
stabs my eye with an ice pick
to the core of the meat
twist and Yank
cracking temples in a vice grip
hammer through bone and gristle
take that sharpened fork, heated
sear my tender neck
claw it off my tightened shoulders
with dull saw my jaw ragged
twist out each tooth, nerves alive
melting into the numb oblivion
senstitve flesh shivers
mouth waters with contained spew
as the taste of rot and banannas Overwhelm
every little sound so deafening
chews off my ears.
is this what death feels like.
just a Migraine
I just want to Read a Book
She stares affectionately at the four chocolate walls. They have become her best friends during
this hellacious couple of weeks that she's been confined to this bed. The bed, a King Size
California style with plenty of cushion, not hard but not too soft. Sounds like the kids story, The
Three Bears. When nothing makes the throbbing go away, the humor fades quite observantly.
The hurt, she hasn't been to work in many days, her coworkers quite mad but they don't know.
Nobody knows what she feels, nobody can embrace the migraines quite like she can. Yes,
maybe that is it, maybe migraines just feel at home in her veins and brain. Why can't they get
that trying to eat feels like an adventure; will I heave it back up or will it actually digest? Light is
the ugly, mean wolf that pounds on her head and instills her baby instincts of crawling into the
fetal position under the dark, heavy blankets that make it somewhat more tolerable. What she
wants most is out of her league now, the books stacked and begging to be read. The temptation
of turning those pages, feeling anxious about how the story is going to go, looking at the clock
and telling herself, "just one more chapter". No, during the month long ravage of her life, she
doesn't read, she lays there in a torturing, blood curdling ache. Counting the hours until she can
take the magic pill that will knock her out and render her to a deep sleep. Relief comes only as
a last measure of admitting herself to the daunting needle place, the hospital. After three days,
she is almost pain free. Yes, the evil still lurks and hides inside her temples. Her cranium still
flares from the pain, what can she do?
As you already know, I suffer from Migraines, quite often unfortunately. Two years ago, I
suffered from a really terrible one that lasted an entire month. No matter what the doctors
would give me, nothing would make it go away. I ended up in the hospital on some medication
that is given every 8 hours and after three days, I felt much better. The point of the poem
is that the entire month, I was miserable. My coworkers were very upset but the actually
physicality of driving to work was impossible. Migraines are severely debilitating and most have
no clue just how they can make a mess of your life.
By myself I dream
As I watch me fleeting away from myself, all my energy- all my liberty, moving inexorably into, a day, a week, a month, a year, perhaps even a decade; I wonder- what is time, where it is going, and how much further will it go? I wonder – again and again, why is it that they think, any time is just like-every other time? Ah! But deep down inside, by myself I dream, alone I came and go as the waves of the moment into the Sea of time.
Pounding in my head, Go away!!
I woke up with a pounding in my head It hurts to move to get out of bed I see colors blue, yellow and red It hurts so bad I must be living-Dead I have to move and get on with life Is this life of a wife? As if migraines weren't enough, Cancer comes along I have to live with side effects that are brutal and strong I take some pills that are pretty blue They don't help but describes how I feel, Blue.
Rhythm of Progress
One foot ahead of the other Hands at backpack straps Muscles longed for nighttime baths We kept moving.
The rhythm of progress Unnoticed as we passed Monotony brought novelty Temples to clap and pray at.
We bought our souvenirs And leaned on walking sticks At a cathedral in the cliffs The final shrine, the eighty-eighth, a shack Festooned with faded flags.
Our rhythm brought us there.
Now I move along a different path And fight nerves that light my brain in pain Everything strangely brightthe Van Gogh effect My souvenir is an hourglass, that I tilt in aphotic bliss.
Hands tied behind my back I have lost my walking stick I have to climb up out of myself Follow the rhythm of progress.
Okay all the Time
If I can move around in myself, travel from my foot to face why am I caged with the pain? If I reside in my head, contained by this flesh, is the ache an illusion?
If I can think behind the pain, why can't I get through? I know somewhere in myself the things I need to do, but theres a damper between this part of me, and the me I show to you.
How can I cry, yell and scream out loud when deep inside I am fine? Am I okay all the time?
When my body doesnt work I trap myself. I cage my mind, I cant get out.
When I dont work I cry a lot, sit motionless, weighed down. I want to escape. Maybe I can go live in my foot, focus on the balance between left and right.
But when my foot hurts thats where I go. Why do I follow the pain?
Maybe I'm the healer, the nourisher of myself.
Cloudless ice blue skies air so clear you can drink it Bright dancing beams of sunlight warmth that surrounds you inside and out Flowers palates of colors and scents so vibrant they blind Children perfect reflections of two overflowing with bounties of love Health security of well being eminating and touching all it encounters
These are things that will eternally be out of my reach.
My hellish head pain
My head it hurts so incredibly bad I retreat to bed. Powerful waves of agaony from the pain in my eye.. Dear god wont you show some me some mercy. if not now very soon. Turn off the lights put me in a quiet room. let this hell be over god I pray for myself and all migraine suffers very very soon.
im on a sea of agony of witch until its sailed its coarse it wont dock but i believe not to give up to reach out. to touch the hand of mercy in your mind though it seems far it will come someday even if not today.
Dear loved ones never give up you are loved more than you can know of this im sure of. Never ever let go. May I leave you with one thought im on day 16 of a migraine if I can do it so can you..
My Head Hurts..
Children's Hospital Washington, D.C. I point my finger to my head, tears streaking down from bloodshot green eyes softly proclaiming "My head hurts.."
I was five years old.
I am the star of the longest running series ever. my episodes are daily, weekly...
a lifetime of mornings spent in dark showers and even darker bedrooms, apartments...
PLEASE DON'T TURN THE LIGHTS ON...
drenched pillows providing small comfort a cool sleep for hopes to wake pain free.
Mornings are worse.
Curled up on the floor of the bathroom... crying, jamming knuckles into temples death would less painful than this...
classes, dates, meetings, graduations, concerts.
PLEASE I HOPE THIS PILL WORKS THIS TIME...
splash my face with water yet again.... throw up whatever is left in my system... my god I must be an embarrassment....
I LOVE YOU BUT I'M SORRY...
Pain Stayed So Long
Pain stayed so long I said to him today, "I will not have you with me anymore And paused there startled at the look he wore. "I who have been your friend," he said to me, "I who have been your teacher --all that you know of understanding love, of sympathy and patience, I have taught you. Shall I go?" He spoke the truth, this strange unwelcome guest; I watched him leave and knew that he was wise. He left a heart grown tender in my breast. He left a far, clear vision in my eyes. I dried my tears, and lifted up a song Even for one who'd tortured me so long.
My Migraine Poem
Sit down I need to tell you something Before we get too involved. You need to know that I have a problem.
No.. I don't drink I don't have any STD's Never smoked a day in my life. No criminal record.
I have pain. Extreme pain unlike anything you have likely seen before. It just happens - It happens a lot. It's in my head and it takes over.
"Ah" you say " is that all?" "We can get through this.. " "I thought it was something serious"
When you saw the first really bad one. You thought I was faking Accused me of being addicted to the pain meds You turned away. It was ugly
I can't go to concerts with you. I can't eat your mothers cranberry sauce I am afraid to leave the house without meds I don't want to join any clubs I'll just disappoint you I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry
Years go by You discover we can't get through it You leave me It's too much for you
"If you just would try harder" - you say "It's not like you have cancer" "I know people who are blind and go to parties" "You don't try hard enough" "You are holding me back"
I understand Because I'd like to leave me too. I don't blame you. If I could find someone else Who is more fun I'd do the same.
A Sea of Pain and Weird Sensations
aka Rag doll
I greet the day with trepidation.
Color without pain, Pain without color. Which will it be today?
My body aches from yet another cause. I wonder, The Migraine, which will it be today.
Another cause of pain I can diminish. Through distraction, relaxation or By doing...anything
But when the mighty migraine comes He demands my full attention.
The aura of the migraine still intrigues me: The world awash with just a single color, The lightning bolts, or Dancing balls of red and green and purple. Undulation waves of spectral colors, Remind me of the deepest northern night. My personal kaleidoscope of patterns; Ever changing, ever new, but such an old acquaintance.
As I stroll out the door, The great light of day greets me. Not as a friend, but a Herald of foreboding. OOPS. I forgot my sunglasses. I winch, I sneeze. Then with a stab of white hot flame The migraine pain makes his presence known.
Of course, his trusty friends are with him. I turn to take a step back towards the house. But where is the ground? How far is the door? If I reach out will I find the wall? Oh starlings why do you screech like vultures. Where is your pleasant passion song of yore? In one turn of my head the world has changed.
As I move a leg that does not want to move. The pain spreads from my eye around my head and face. My leg and arm become engulfed in numbness. Holding wall and husband, I slowly reach the kitchen. Take my meds, and then struggle down the hall. Again with great attention, my husband guides me into bed.
Look to the right side of my face, it will seem normal. Look then too the left and wonder, Can these two sides even be related? The left is splotched with red and tears roll down the cheek. Through walls and halls I hear all kinds of clamor. The refrigeration now becomes jack hammer. The closet light now makes the sound of sirens shrill. The purring cat now is a locomotive.
I close my eyes and notice, The colored light show now is gone. But for a pair of sunglasses I would be in awe.
Now instead, I sink and languor In a sea of pain and strange sensations. Praying for relief and cursing life, As I sink deeper into the Sea of pain and strange sensations.
Lights SCREAMING into my eyes Blinding painful terrorize My brain Moving, stumbling grinds my mind Bombs go off, stepping on mines My brain Rest my head, wish it was lead But no, the knife twists My brain Voices shout only they're hushed Anger, frustration, torment, depression My brain Crying out for relief, No one hears No one cares, No one understands My brain Lost in a sea of hopelessness and despair Lost in an ocean of pain, grabbing at My brain The pain builds and churns and overwhelms Visions and auras and wishing for spells My brain Just give me drugs, give me death, give me peace Let me lie still in the darkness and the cold with My brain Relieve me, Faith leaves me, Hope has abandoned me Consciousness loss, level of 10, bliss for 3 seconds My brain More pain from a shot, I welcome the pain, grasping for help five minutes, ten minutes then peace at last Relief, bliss and I move into space, into the abyss, into the fog Jellied legs, Jellied brains, serenity encompasses and I sleep My brain is still...for now
Tears On My Pillow
White lights bleeding from my eyes, down through my heart crying in the night awake with pain and penitence I say my prayers There are no ears, no one hears My screams...inside of me Inside of my head On top of my bed And the blood drips from my eyes Tears on my pillow
I am an 18 year old guy who has had chronic daily migraine for over a year. I had to write something to make up explaining the days i missed.
A thousand knives twisting inside my brain Screaming in pain I slowly go insane The flashes of light, the super strong smells Get rid of the pink bottle somebody! Load me into the plane quickly please Where are you going Josh? Medical Lake? No you are not quite that messed up in the head
Throbbing pain pulses now Intensity growing Never releasing me I need a break from this Screaming for a buffer Never finding a medium A gentle giant crying Huddled in the corner Hiding from the lights
Must Go On
Headache Constant pain Must go on End of class Long days testing High stress Locked keys in car 50 more bucks Continuous pain Head throbbing Must go on My dog died Emotional test More stress Head still hurts Must go on Weekends over Still busy I need a break Must go on
Surrounded by pain Photopic Phenomena Overwhelming smells My head is about to burst Fully Consuming Migraine
Suffocating Light Blinding pain envelops you Life sucking migraine
Hat of pain
written approx. 2001
This hat of pain - I wear it well, all too often, my head of hell.
This hat of pain defines me. Without it, Who would I be?
This hat of pain - mad nerve cells. An ice pack tops it filled with gel
This hat of pain - my routine, avert it, arrest it, with drugs and caffeine.
This hat of pain - invisible cries, unseen ails, unheard sighs.
This hat of pain - Untie the knot. Tame the hurt, or not.
This hat of pain - I wear it well. I'd like to take it off a spell.
its back again it always seems to find me its the only constant in my life its the only thing i can count on it brings tears to my eyes and thoughts of death to my mind it breaks down the good things it feels like my brain is oozing out of my eyes its the reason he left me its why i had to withdraw from my coursework its why all the pharmacists know me by my first name its why i cant go here or cant go there its why im sorry all the time its why i may loose my job its why i have no time for fun its why you wont see me out and about its why im always in my room its made weak its made me question my beliefs its made me feel as if im being punished for something its made me want to quit.......... some want to help but feel helpless some dont understand some cant deal some think its all in my head some say drink more water, exercise some dont say anything at all some pray for me some have no clue some are sure its a mental issue some call it shannon some ignore it some are tired of hearing about some dont even call to see how im doing anymore some look at as an excuse some say i stress to much some say its because of my bills i say.............dont worry about me ill be okay.
we all get a break now and then from the pain in our life's to do the things we enjoy. my things are my family and this was just something I write to let people know this. and life always doesn't have to be about pain. and the best things in life are at home.
Here I sit snow on the ground Listening to every creak crack and sound Looking hard straining to see Any trophy that will walk to me
You have a plan for us to wait That's the part some hunters hate Not this one, it's a time to think As the sun begins to sink
Thoughts wander of family at home Trying not to think of problems that make you groan A house full of girls not one boy in the batch But hunting buddies nonetheless just wanting to go for any catch
When they come it's just one at a time Others mad because they got left behind But dad always try's to make it right Even if it's just picking up a treat to end the fight
We work as a team while in the wild They like not being looked as a child Colds as ever, warm in December it ain't But even as dads little girls you never hear a complaint
Top to bottom dressed like boys Only exception's is for the ponytails and Barbie's for toys We watch the turkeys and squirrels walking And running around On their faces a smile can be found
As we wait no sound no movements do they make For they know that to bring them in that's what it takes She's the oldest and has got to go the most And loves to tease her sister and make them roast
The middle one is more than happy to take her turn Loves the outdoors and also makes her sisters burn That's the way we grew up I guess When they're older like us they still won't give it a rest!
The little one always ready at all times Kinda like dad was when he was nine She's only four and wants to go You know dad would never say no.
A thousand questions while in the field What's that? Why here? Some of the questions she yields Dad doesn't care it's a time to learn And she doesn't even know she has both sisters to burn
A new one know not of blood But when I think of being without her my begins to flood She is small and hard to take But when its time a fishing trip will make
The fun we have when this experience we share It doesn't matter your hunting partner has bows in there hair But this time dad has gone alone To look for a trophy to take home
My thoughts are broken by a noise over the hill A grunt and a trashing can be heard, is this his will? He tops the hill, the king of the herd I start to shake as he comes, as he watches every little bird
He's big and proud the biggest I've seen I draw back; stiff is the bow the cold hard beams Just a few more steps he will clear the trees After that, I'll be taking him home with me
All of a sudden I start to think of that word I said "Home" "home" in another three seconds this buck win be dead My hunting season over, my bow put to rest A smile from me as I think it's a test.
I thank you God for giving all of these problems included For I almost forgot the best it almost eluded The bow back to rest, point to the ground The deer runs off running as if being chased by a hound
It was big and full of bragging rights But I'm going home and ending a hunting night As I pull the truck in I see the little porch gnome God, thank you for my wife and my four Trophies she keeps at home
a tight band across my head is not the same as yours mine are bad mine are pain and fire and a little monkey pulling on my eyes from the back
no, i don't want to smell that right now no, i can't come to your party no, i cant eat that chocolate dessert
and then they tell me about a friend who was cured from their migraines
and i fell sad am i broken forever could i change my head for another just for one day just for one night
could you just understand what its like to feel too fragile to let loose
but too angry to give up the fight...
No One To Turn To
They don't listen They don't understand I'm exaggerating, they think Why would I? I don't want sympathy I just want a cure I don't want to live like this Try to understand Even if you can't No, you don't get them, too You had a headache Not the same thing If you only knew I'm not being a baby This is my living hell Every day, all day No one to turn to Sorry for not being 'fun' Sorry for you having to say goobye to my former self But no one is more sorry than I
The Hits Just Keep On Comin'
Hi, my name is
, and I've had migraines for about five years now. This is a poem about the guilt I suffer after a migraine, when I have to explain to friends, co-workers, and my husband that I HAVE to push them away sometimes.
Don't tell me you're sorry. Don't tell me you understand. Don't ask me how bad it is. Don't ask me what causes it. For the love of God, just be QUIET.
Your apologies rattle inside my skull. You don't understand how your voice hurts me. You don't want to know how bad this is, and I don't have words painful enough to explain. Nothing causes it, everything does; Your sympathy, your questions, your God-forsaken VOICE.
I love you. I need you. But right now, when the devil is playing racquetball in my head, I want to rip out your tongue if that's what it takes to make you stop HURTING me. I know you have the best of intentions. You love me, you're worried, you're scared. I'll feel bad later for hating you now. The guilt will take me where the pain didn't, And isn't that a lovely guided tour of hell?
I can't comfort you now. Not while my brain is on fire and my body is frozen. You can't comfort me. Not while these invisible claws are ripping me apart at the seams.
After this is over...IF this is ever over, We'll apologize to each other and try to explain. I'll clumsily try to tell you not to talk to me when it gets bad. You'll hear what I'm implying. JUST. SHUT. UP. I'll feel you pulling away from me, and hear what you won't say. JUST. GET. BETTER. Because even when it's over The pain just won't end.
peaceful slumber comfort peace SUDDENLY traipsing like a scorpion that familiar sting it's just a dream; next sequence the awakening fire, burning, blindness by viselike pain the orbit torn by that twisting white hot dagger WHY AGAIN? ÊWHY TODAY? the routine begins again and again only to lay dormant until the next strike
written sometime in 2000
Simple they say wake, work, eat, sleep Normal day do you feel that? have you done that? daily medical requirement Is it really normal to be so normal? maybe for some never for me.
How strange it must be to see thru another's eyes night to day sun to moon full to empty peace to pain This is how it is to me yet I have no way to explain....... although they are my reasoning they are my strength they are my hope they are my self But who am I to them who am I to myself?
I awake with the same pain- pretend it's not that bad, you have to go to work- get up, take a shower- it will ease up. Stumble to the bathroom- throw up! Try harder, concentrate! You have to go to work! I'll just lie down a minute- it will get better- the nausea will subside. Throb,throb,pound,pound! Another day in the bed. Call the boss,apologize again. Call the doctor, beg for more drugs. Another day wasted- drugged into oblivion. No, I can't go to work No, Mommy can't play No, honey, I can't cook dinner- I can't even move! I'm sorry boss, mabey I'll feel like working- another day. I'm sorry sweetie, mabey I'll feel like playing- another day. I'm sorry honey, mabey I'll feel like cooking- another day. I'm sorry self, mabey I'll feel like living- SOME DAY!!!!
Head pounding, ears buzzing, stomach churning. all around me, the world keeps turning. But not mine, no, it's suspended in time- in this painful, dreadful, so-called life of mine. I've become a prisoner in my own home; as I lie here enduring this pain- while everyone else continues to live. No one knows or understands what I feel. If they did, surely they'd rescue me from this hell! My mind is slowly slipping away from me- as I cry and cry- wondering if I'll ever be free!?! All of the doctors PRETEND to try, but if they're trying so hard, then WHY????
you are all in my prayers it's out there keep looking
my past is clear i see that now the pain I've suffered i made it through some how i get a break now and then with my kids that time i will spend i don't recall a week without pain some times i wonder if i gone insane doctors and bills work no play i feel decant just for today no plans to go can i make who knows what road my head will take it's amazing how the years go bye and i still have to suffer with lights in my eyes I'm sure you've prayed as i have done the good lord knows we are having no fun pills and shots oh yeh there fun I'd love to give my doctor one migraine just one just to let them see what it's like to be me let them follow the road that we have had the one i take makes every one sad i gave up for along time no doctors no meds just a room that was dark pain for a bed a friend had enough and said no more took me to a doctor she had something in store she got headaches to she knew what it was like she put me on med's that actually worked through the night she changes them for me no questions asked she knows I'm no addict and helps me at last to all who suffer one of these days good thing come to those that pray your cure is out there so don't give up because when you keep going it improves your luck
room spins in dances the fluorescent goblin.
ceaselessly he morphs, changing shape before my flagging eyes, a serpent -- no! a thief --
now, with my attention captured, the day flung aside, he gives a sly thumbs-up to his waiting accomplice.
slowly smirking, the wrenching volcanic hand plucks at an agonizing zither, continuing their tortuous duet
over and over the throbbing note sounds
neon no longer
The Migraine Demon
age: 17 10/21/2000
The demons are chasing me, the devils are haunting me. Making me question my so-called life.
They are invading my head, and whispering to me thoughts of pain. Making me question my so-called life.
Their whispers pounding inside me, they are resounding around me. Swirling and twirling. Making me question my so-called life.
Dancing and singing, swaying and swinging making me dizzy, sweeping me away. And making me question my so-called life.
Whispering anger, Screaming quietly tears are streaming as I think of my so-called life.
Why!? is this happening, again and again?! Why can't I find a refuge from the pain?! Why am I dancing with this demon- a migraine?
To all of those I suffer with One day it will stop
Honey my head hurts No there is nothing you can do It hurts real bad No there is nothing you can do Like a knife in my eye No there is nothing you can do Every sound is like a cannon going off No there is nothing you can do Lights are like daggers stabbing at my eyes No there is nothing you can do Please just keep the kids quite No there is nothing you can do Shut the door and go away No there is nothing you can do All alone your heart beating in your head No there is nothing you can do Counting the beats hoping they will stop in a while No there is nothing you can do
God make it stop There is nothing you can do Why me what did i do to deserve this There is nothing you can do Please there has to be something let it stop There is nothing you can do Help me god please There is nothing you can do Ill do anything just make it stop There is nothing you can do
Ok ok breath There is nothing you can do In out deep breaths There is nothing you can do Cover your head with the pillow There is nothing you can do Think this does not hurt you can tough it out There is nothing you can do Slow your heart down that's it There is nothing you can do Stop it from beating so fast There is nothing you can do Lay still and it will stop There is nothing you can do Boom boom boom boom There is nothing you can do
Here honey take this the doctor said it would help There is nothing you can do Oh good a shot There is nothing you can do Oh god its making it worse this cant be There is nothing you can do Try this spray or this pill There is nothing you can do This isn't working either There is nothing you can do Do you want to try something again There is nothing you can do Anything just give it all to me There is nothing you can do One more of these and those There is nothing you can do
Oh god i been here how many times this month There is nothing you can do Honey go lay down There is nothing you can do "no i think ill go do jumping jacks" There is nothing you can do How long have you had this headache? There is nothing you can do "long enough to come in here" There is nothing you can do Does it hurt bad? There is nothing you can do "put a ice pick in your head and swish it around" There is nothing you can do Are you allergic to anything? There is nothing you can do "the same thing i was three days ago" Any other health problems? There is nothing you can do "like this isn't enough" There is nothing you can do Are you taking any thing? There is nothing you can do "any thing i can get my hands on at this time" There is nothing you can do The doctor will be in to see you There is nothing you can do Boom boom boom boom There is nothing you can do Calm down breath There is nothing you can do Lay still There is nothing you can do Honey turn off the light There is nothing you can do Lay on my back hand over my eyes There is nothing you can do God make him come There is nothing you can do Oh god oh god oh god There is nothing you can do Please not a asshole There is nothing you can do A doctor that has had a migraine There is nothing you can do A doctor with compassion There is nothing you can do Hi im doctor x keep the lights off There is nothing you can do Throbbing pressure in you head There is nothing you can do Lights sounds bother you There is nothing you can do Ok will give you something to stop the pain There is nothing you can do If that doesn't't work we will try something stronger There is nothing you can do Just lay back and it will be over in a minute There is nothing you can do Then i snap back into reality There is nothing you can do Bang lets turn the freaking lights on so i don't stub my doctor toe There is nothing you can do Sit up so i can have a look at you There is nothing you can do How long have you had these headaches There is nothing you can do How long have you had this headache There is nothing you can do Are you taking any thing There is nothing you can do How bad does it hurt There is nothing you can do How does it feel There is nothing you can do On the scale of 1 to 10 ten being the highest There is nothing you can do Don't you think you should see someone about these There is nothing you can do I have seen all the neurologists in iowa There is nothing you can do I've had three sinus surgeries There is nothing you can do I've taken every preventive medicine on the market There is nothing you can do Doctor please help me There is nothing you can do Well i don't know what you expect me to do There is nothing you can do "what"??? There is nothing you can do Well all's i can do is give you something for your headache There is nothing you can do "???????????" There is nothing you can do Just a moment There is nothing you can do Let me look at your eyes There is nothing you can do Bang " why don't you just stick a knife in my eyes " There is nothing you can do That little light stick does the same thing There is nothing you can do Ill be back There is nothing you can do God what now There is nothing you can do Lay back down There is nothing you can do Honey turn off the lights There is nothing you can do Just a little while longer There is nothing you can do Honey he's telling the nurses what to give you There is nothing you can do "right" There is nothing you can do Bang the lights come back on There is nothing you can do Well it seems like you have been in the er a lot There is nothing you can do I get a lot of migraines There is nothing you can do I cant treat them alone There is nothing you can do Well im not giving you all these narcotics There is nothing you can do But they help There is nothing you can do Well im going to try something different There is nothing you can do Oh god its not over yet There is nothing you can do Well lets try this and that There is nothing you can do But thetas what i took at home just another name brand There is nothing you can do Well im giving you a bigger dose There is nothing you can do Ok your the doctor
There is nothing you can do Twenty minutes later There is nothing you can do Head still pounding There is nothing you can do Is it any better There is nothing you can do No not at all There is nothing you can do Well that always works for my migraine patients There is nothing you can do Please knock me out There is nothing you can do Well lets try something else There is nothing you can do Twenty minutes later There is nothing you can do How are you coming along There is nothing you can do The same There is nothing you can do Well we've done all we can do There is nothing you can do Go home and lay in a dark room There is nothing you can do Give the medicine time to take effect There is nothing you can do Come with a headache leave with one There is nothing you can do
Laying in bed There is nothing you can do Thoughts of suicide There is nothing you can do It will stop the hurt There is nothing you can do What about the kids There is nothing you can do Ill just have to take it There is nothing you can do Pass out There is nothing you can do Thank god you passed out There is nothing you can do Wake up with the same headache There is nothing you can do Go to work There is nothing you can do Everyone tells you that you look like shit There is nothing you can do They tell you to go home There is nothing you can do But you cant afford to take one more day off There is nothing you can do Go to doctors office on lunch break There is nothing you can do You've had this headache how long There is nothing you can do What all have you taken Haha There is nothing you can do You need a excuse for work don't you There is nothing you can do No i just want my head to quit hurting There is nothing you can do Well here's a shot of hyped up ibuprofen There is nothing you can do We don't have anything stronger here There is nothing you can do "if you think im just looking for a fix why wont you just say so!!" There is nothing you can do Go home and rest There is nothing you can do Go back to work There is nothing you can do Watch the clock 4:30 please come There is nothing you can do Home at last There is nothing you can do Boom boom boom boom There is nothing you can do Honey let me take you back out to the er There is nothing you can do No im fucking sick of them all There is nothing you can do Why because they all think im a drug seeker There is nothing you can do I really don't have a problem There is nothing you can do Its all in my head There is nothing you can do After several hours of arguing There is nothing you can do Fine take me There is nothing you can do Just please stop talking to me There is nothing you can do Back again There is nothing you can do So how long have you had this headache There is nothing you can do What all have you taken There is nothing you can do That gets funnier every time i here it There is nothing you can do The doctor will be in to see you There is nothing you can do A different doctor There is nothing you can do Ya you look like you got a good one There is nothing you can do My daughter gets these There is nothing you can do Just a second There is nothing you can do I need a hip There is nothing you can do This might burn There is nothing you can do
Boom boom boom boom There is nothing you can do The fight is on There is nothing you can do Your head is mad because you held your breath There is nothing you can do Just so you wouldn't't jerk from the hypo There is nothing you can do Five minutes went by There is nothing you can do Still no change There is nothing you can do Surging pounding stabbing There is nothing you can do Ding There is nothing you can do Ten minutes goes buy There is nothing you can do The pain is going away There is nothing you can do but the surging is still there There is nothing you can do Ding There is nothing you can do Fifteen minutes go by There is nothing you can do Sound doesn't't bother you and there is no pain There is nothing you can do You sit up There is nothing you can do Just a little surging know and then but better There is nothing you can do Twenty minutes goes buy There is nothing you can do Your tired you feel like you wrestled a truck and won There is nothing you can do You look at the walls There is nothing you can do And you look at people that have seen you for days There is nothing you can do But you haven't been able to see them through the pain There is nothing you can do You thank the doctor and the nurses There is nothing you can do You talk to the doctor and tell him There is nothing you can do What all you have done There is nothing you can do He tells you that next time you come in tell them what works There is nothing you can do "right" and they look at you like you are a drug addict There is nothing you can do But you thank him again and go home There is nothing you can do Play with the kids There is nothing you can do Talk to the wife see what you missed for two days There is nothing you can do Go to bed and sleep There is nothing you can do Wake up the next day and hope for the best There is nothing you can do Go to work There is nothing you can do Everyone tells you how much better you look There is nothing you can do 4:30 is here plans to take the family out There is nothing you can do No There is nothing you can do No There is nothing you can do The lines the fucking lines There is nothing you can do Her we go again There is nothing you can do No god help me There is nothing you can do
Honey my head hurts "what can i do ? "
A Tigers Tale
Inside my head lives a tiger. A quiet deceptive presence. Waiting around to come out unexpectedly. whenever I'm enjoying myself.
It slashes my head with it's long, lethal claws, and prints it's`stripes across my eyes. It growls out it's warning to me.
Sometimes,in the peace of sleep, it roars! Lashing, biting, stomping from side to side. And then I'm angry! I belt the tiger against the wall. I hit and fight.
And after? When it's gone? ....I see the faces looking at me anxiously, and I feel a huge sadness.
The Practice Space
BOOM BOOM BOOM My head is pounding. Once again this throbbing starts I lay my head down on my desk and try not to cry This is not what I want of my life I feel something tickling my ear I raise my head and watch as a three inch high boy walks Across my desk He has a pair of drumsticks in his hand Thanks for the practice space he says as he leaves with a jaunty wave
What Is It Called?
My name is LaDontai Harris. I have been diagnosed with migraines ever since the age of 4. It is hereditary and hopefully they will cease when I reach the tender age of 30, like the previous women in my family.
Oh God--not another painful day I took Excedrin Migraine but it chose to stay The aura began thirty minutes ago No more vomit--that's when I was four Nausea, sensitivity to sound and light Confusion, depression, and no appetite Can't hardly see because I'm so dizzy Everyday one out of seven Americans stop their activities My prescription Elavil is making me drowsy How can one function feeling this lowsy Time to get the icepack and lie down Lord give me strength--it's starting to pound ThrobbingPulsatingBuildingInSeverity Excuse my jibberish--my words are slurring Have you experienced this excrutiating pain What is it called--a MIGRAINE
My right temple is throbbing like a drunk with a drum at a sporting event. I'm dizzy from the pain of the blood whipping through my head. It feels like the left side of my head and face have exploded off, and I have to hold on so hard so the rest of my head doesn't explode apart too. My whole head is being sqeezed in a vice, like a giant monster has thrust his powerful hands into my head and is trying to wring out my brain. His strong hands are sqeezing and twisting my brain cells until they are screaming in pain. It is an intense burn, searing every nerve cell in my head, and ow, my teeth hurt like I must have cavities or have eaten icecream too fast, but I don't and I didn't. My jaw is sore; my eyes are so dizzy; my vision is blurry, and the light irritates my eyes, so I have to close them. I need to hold my eyes so they don't blow out of their sockets. I have to lie in bed and hold my head and still too much is going on in my brain. It's too much. I can't stand it. I feel so overwhelmed; there are so many sensations going on in my head. I feel hot and nauseous and dizzy and I wish my head would slow down. I try to visualize traffic signs in my cerebral bloodvessels telling the blood to slow down, but some evil blood cells invade my visualization and say,"Ha!Ha! we are going to go faster, faster. Ha ha..." They knock down the "go slow" sign and forge onwards. They will not be stopped. I hold my head. I take long slow breaths. I wish my medication would hurry up and work, to start numbing some of the crazy chaos exploding in my head. I try not to give in to the panic, but ow every nerve ending in my head is screaming out in agony. I pray prayers of desperation, "God help me please! Make it stop! Please! Make it stop!" My thoughts are fragmented and muddled. My mind feels disconnected from my body. I stumble like a drunk, weaving my way to the washroom. I drop to my knees and heave concentrated, bitter, acidic bile. My stomach is twisted in knots. Familiar objects look puzzling. It takes ten frustrating minutes to remember how to set my alarm clock. I try to write myself a reminder note for tomorrow, but I keep writing the wrong letters. I know what I want to write, but my hand keeps writing something else. The letters look strange and blurry on the page. I don't know if what I've written makes sense. I have earplugs in, but the fan over the stove is so unbelievably loud; what usually sounds like a soft hum, reverberates in my head like a monster truck rally. I stumblingly turn off the fan and open the freezer door, seeking the numbing salvation of an icepack. I stand dazed as my vision dims and I am unable to see inside the freezer. I feel faint. I slide down the fridge until I am sitting on the floor, holding my head in my hands. Within a few minutes my vision starts to emerge, eerily blurry, but good enough to find an icepack and velcro it snuggly against my burning head. The ice cold hurts so good against the burning cinders deep in my brain. It's an icey pain, like a slurpey headache, but oh how it feels more bearable than the red hot pain that preceded it. I take deep breaths. After a brief eternity, the anarchy in my brain gives way to a kinder reality. Salvation comes in the form of a blanket of sleep. When I awake I feel groggy and hungover. I'm not myself yet, but I will be, until the next coup when the migraine militia exerts its reign of terror.
Precious Time of my Life
I have a migraine again. Why me, why?..I am tired of the pain. Every day, every hour, every minute in pain, It's like loosing a part of my life. So many things to do, but can't..please pain go away.
In the morning, afternoon or evening, I am wasting the life of others by not being able to function.
I have so many things to do, so much love to give, but can't this headache does not goes away.
Tired of the drugs, tired of the pain, helpless ... it's time to go to the ER again, the drugs don't work no more. Everyone put their life's on hold, again. Not fair for my children, they ask, Mom do you feel OK today? Is there anything I can do? Not fair for my husband, Are you OK dear? do you want me to take you for some shots? I'll take care of the kids.
This migraine is wasting precious moments of my life and it's taken moments of other life's, innocent casualties of this pain.
I feel guilty, I feel bad, I should go to work today, I should not say that I am in pain, it might go away. If I try to ignore it might go away. If I get busy it might go away..but it does not.
I am losing my life to pain. I just want it to go away forever, go to sleep and maybe it will disappear.
Farewell to Life
I am 19 years old, and I have suffered from migraines for as long as I can remember. Sometimes I find it hard to express exactly what happens to me when I get an attack, and since nobody can really see it, most people don't actually believe it (or understand it for that matter). I thought this poem might be helpful for your site. I know I find your site very helpful. It shows me that I'm not alone.
I want to say good-bye, I have to go now. I'm sure I will be back again someday. If you see myself somewhere tell me I miss me, and if it's not too late tell me that I can stay. Please ask me why I always have to go away. I know my good-bye was so short and I am sorry. The lights were just too bright for these two eyes. I need to draw back and retrieve into the darkness of a world I know, a world of pain's disguise where I hide myself, it suffocates my cries. I hate this pounding, it's so loud I cannot hear me. Why do demons wish to kill me from inside? My mind can't suffer through this life of pain much longer, if it can't breathe again then I would rather die. With every beat I clench my fists and scream out, "Why?!" The pain has grown now to engulf my numbing body, the blood throbbing to burst out of my skull. Pressing my face against the floor I try to free me from this blinding, spinning, stabbing, pounding hell. Pain has bound me to it's everlasting cell. I feel possessed by pain's pressure on my soul, grasping, reaching for the unaffected me. Screaming aloud the blood escapes my weighing eyelids I know I lost the battle towards becoming free. At least I had the chance to say good-bye to me.
motionless i lay helpless i drift in and out of sleep
from the outside world i hear the faint sounds of laughter of life drift through the cracks in my window and door
if only i had the will to hear the desire to see the stomach to smell their world
if only i had the freedom to play the energy to laugh the ability to care
my senses are ruined my laughter is gone i can't even remember the song of life with no pain
how many days have i spent alone in bed in the dark while my life happened without me?
school plays dances prom graduation wedding night honeymoon christmas birthday party parties parties nursing my son in pain watching him play while i lay curled in the ball on the floor in the bathroom
i know of a place not tainted with pain where i can close my eyes and my thoughts remain
my own not his
i know of a time when the world is still and the waves are calm and nighttime is
my own not his
i know of a day where the light doesn't hurt and the steel pounding is gone and the tears have stopped on
my own not his
i know of a morning that begins with joy where the fear is no more and the day becomes
my own not his
i know of a pill that puts up a fight and shares it's own magic for me to keep for
my own not his
i know of a doctor and countless advice and none seem to work like the words of
my own not his
i know of a song that I can sing it doesn't mourn it makes laughter become
my own not his
i know of a day where I've made it to work where I'm active and fun and my time is
my own not his
i know of a time but i can't remember....
dry mouth blurry eyes dizzy head mushy neck droopy eyes bad breath hot stomach weak legs tingly fingers tired tired tired... but at least the pounding is gone
The following twelve poems are originals written by
, who has been a migraine sufferer since she was 11 years old in 1966.
Promises for Garnet
By Leslie Bader 10/05/2000
Another Intractable Blinding Migraine
A doctor Making Promises Gaining My trust
She says... "It will Never be Like this one Again... I promise!"
"I promise I will Return Your calls..."
"I promise I will Treat you With Compassion."
"I promise I won't Let you down, Not again"
"I promise We will Be partners Work as A team, To better Your health..."
She promised So many things, Dr. Kimm And all I can say Is....
Treat patients With kindness And Compassion.
Treat me Like I matter, Like YOU Promised.
Christine M. Newsom, M.D.
By Leslie Bader 12/13/99
A doctor by choice, Made long ago.
To heal, To ease pain.
One patient, Touched my heart.
She cried, In despair and in pain, A migraine.
Uncurable, Intractable, Shame.
What will be written? In the next chapter.....
She walks alone now, Crying.
I hear her, yet I despair.
I want to ease it, She fights me.
Her pain doth magnify My helplessness.
I pray, Dear God, Ease her, calm her soul.
Let her trust me Again.
Don't let her give up!
Pain beyond, No words can tell you, How much I want, Release!
Yes! But beyond this pain? I find..only Tears, more pain, choices?
Let me go. It's time.
Do you wonder
By Leslie Bader 02/22/2000
Do you wonder, If there's life without pain?
I saw a sun, Dazzling, Raindrops like diamonds, That shattered like glass. Was it real?
I remember hearing the swish, Of angels wings, On my way down, To earth.
The breeze it created, Swept across my face, And I, So small, Opened my eyes, the first time.
Now, I think of this often. In intractable pain. Wishing for angels wings, To come, And rescue me.
A selfish thought, No doubt, But, Pain is desperate, I'm afraid.
I'm starting to forget, The fluttering of angels wings, Snow white, Bright light, Peace, and Heaven.
I want it more than anything. Will God deny it? I think not.
By Leslie Bader 03/03/00
Silvery wings Feather light I can't remember Was the sun shining bright On the day I was born?
Rush of wind Tickled my face Feeling free.... Wings of angels Delivered me Home
I cried that day, In fear and pain, Afraid forever Destined to be Powerless.
I am a baby no more And angels wings The rush of wind Forgotten.
I know I had it once, Freedom without fear, Of pain, And Desperation.
I search for it In my dreams But I see Only the journey To come.
I separate Body from mind My soul longs To fly free Above reality.
It's the only way To cope. Until Angels carry me Heavenward And Pain is A memory Forgotten.
In The Beginning
By Leslie Bader 12/01/99
At 11 years old, I was innocent.
The pain first came, Then.
Hours of dark and Tears, I spent.
I'm but a child, Ashamed...
What is a migraine?
The journey is over A new one has started No longer do I crave relief The new journey is Focused on survival Relief is not a goal Or, an option. Drugs are worse, Than the Cure... Why am I taking them?
My Life, My Pain.
By Leslie Bader
A cry in the night. Pain, blinding and sharp. Fear permeates the subconscious An angel has come and Pulled me from the wreckage Of my migraine.
She's called again. I know I'm on her mind. It frightens me that she's trying to Fix me.
My pain is wild in flight. As the sky grows dark with night, My pain escalates, Pushing me into hopelessness.
I brace myself, With faith and Christ's pure love, For these are my only weapons. Chemicals react and affect Differently. It's been a long journey. I'm ready for it, To end.
By Leslie Bader
You came, I met you unexpectedly.
You cared, Even in fast food medicine.
Eventually, I became Intractable.
It wasn't planned, I didn't do it, On purpose.
In the Practice, A protocol was set.
The other doctors were Now protected.. Legally, medically. In executing my treatment.
I was not. The patients' rights, The patients' pain.
By Leslie Bader
You are special to me. Listen, you did. Escalate? With good reason. Time has passed.
I've fallen into others' hands. I must thank you though, For the beginning, For you hours spent, Improving me.
I have asked, with My heart and Faith, That you be blessed, That your heart and Intentions be pure, Always.
I'm fading, I'm scared. My pain has dared to become Intractable, incurable, wild. I have to tell you, It IS okay. I have to let go now. My soul cries for relief. Is pain free, a dream? Or reality?
By Leslie Bader
Trust those with power, For they are strong and able. Decisions are made for treatment. Meds are dispensed. You're just a delicate flower. No relief.
I'm unraveling,can I cry? My one hope, is for relief. I look up, into their eyes. I see distance, compassion? So they say, but is it real?
I'm tired, I want to let go. I've tried so hard! I've come so far, I can't go on.
My children, my husband. The loves of my life. Dear God, sweet Jesus. Faith. Hope, Love. From above. I believe. The dark side isn't far. I fight it, I cry.
I'm lost, I have to let go. It's become too hard, I'm weary, I die.
By Leslie Bader
Pain beyond, No words can tell you, How much I want relief. Yes! But beyond, This pain, I find, only Tears, more pain, choices? Let me go.
Another TIME You came, I met you unexpectedly. You cared. I'd been searching such a long time. I improved.
Eventually, I became intractable. A protocol was set. The other doctors were now legally protected In executing my treatment, I was not. The patients' rights, The patients' pain.. Forgotten.
By Leslie Bader
I'm a soul, crying in pain Smiling in the sun, I've run; it's beginning To rain. I'm an angel, Lost forever, looking For wings? No shame, in pain.
I open my eyes, bright rays filter in. Knife pain shatters me. I open one eye, Lights arc, hovering. Colors float by, I can't see. Cold ice on my forehead
Am I still alive? Do I want to be? No-I just cannot bear it. Where are the doctors That promised me, Relief? I cry, glittering, sharp, Painful tears. They cut me, I bleed. I want to die.
Misunderstood & All Hope Was Gone
By Joanne D. Satin Heart
Two years of pain Of going down hill, No one had answers It seemed time stood still.
Thousands of miles I travelled For answers I'd seek, Never questioning their diagnosis I just was too meek.
I'd wake up in pain Go to bed the same way, Nausea, fatigue & numbness That was my day.
Each new day was a struggle My time I would bide, Praying for death So the pain would subside.
Hundreds of medications For prevention & for pain, Being labelled a drug addict Or thought of as insane.
My husband & family My very close friends, Witnessed my pain each day And feared my life I would end.
I had given up hope I wanted to die, But to leave all I loved I couldn't say good-bye. So with my husbands help To a new Doctor we spoke, She cared & understood And gave me new hope.
So off to a new specialist With hope in my heart, Praying he'd have the answers So a new life I could start.
He diagnosed & treated me That very same day, Said it's going to take time But this is the way.
Each day is a little better Some pain subsides, My black thoughts of death In their dark room they hide.
I'm now filled again with hope In this world I will stay, Because I've finally got answers To help me through each new day.
So please don't give up hope All who suffer in pain, The answers are out there Your life you'll regain
Rick Nouwen -- july 1999 there is a place where every sound is dull yet so painfully loud where every light is blocked by my eyes shut yet so painfully bright where I live, but not within myself I could not possibly take such pains! where I think, but do not reason where I breathe, but do not move where I long for that thick black blacket of sleep
Calm before the Storm
Sweet breeze, I remember how you kissed, brushing by in coolness, a calm amongst the mist.
Now I'm lost in thunder, seeing no way out. Hopeing for escape, knowing none exist.
Could you sweep passed through me and blow from me this storm? Would you pick up this knife that shoves inside my brain? Then the clouds of torture could lift and show the sun. Right now all is darkness, right now hell has begun.
Electric flowers, Burning bright, Blossoms carved, Of eldritch light.
Thunder rumbling, Inside my brain, Lead bell tolling, Once again.
Black horse running, Breathing fire, Free and wild, Behind my eyes.
Please put this up on your poem page because I am 14 and hate migraines!
The pain It seems to last forever It does not go away The pain Will it go away God please make it go away The pain My head is pounding I can't make it go away The pain Two asprins , NO Two tylanol , NO The pain Sleep , YES Sleep is what I need The pain Sleep made the pain go away zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Left eye twitching
left eye twitching a prelude of pain I know what awaits me the sunlight pierce through my eyes melting my brain
numb screws eating it's way through my pulsating temples paralyzed in pain I long for them to crush my scull in order to make the pain dissapear
laying in bed the touch of pillows makes me want to scream I beg for sleep to come and bring me away to the place where no sunlight exist
Sleeping eyes cant see The pain inside of me When awake it's all I feel The pain that's oh so Real I lie awake and cry The tears that ask Oh why God, why The pain envelopes me There is no escape From this reality A cure in a bottle New hope in a pill I'd give me all To have that at will I've been poked and prodded And seen by many They all have their answers Answers o' plenty But for me All I see Is the pain that's taking over Me The pain has become Me Wont someone Set me free
Cold water kisses
darkness comforting me kissing my tearfilled eyes with lips of cold water soothing my exhausted mind
five days since my last relief everything starts to get to me pain is everywhere and peace is missing
still waiting for the climax with fear in mind come and rapture me and leave my soul naked so that nothing can hurt me so that nothing can hurt me anymore
feeling how it gets to me i try to get away but hiding from yourself has never been a successful way of living
eat me so that i can experience the calmness of being digested without your sharp teeth buried into my flesh
paralyze me so i can feel normal again do your buisness and go away please go away i beg you don't ever come back
Trip from a migraine
Spiraling deeper into the hold, narrowing path skinning my head. Scalp tingles. Dizzying journey into pit of pain. Eyes droop.
Waves roll from skull to skull, undertow kicking back at my brow. Forehead wrinkles. Steel pipe neck stays straight
Overcome by pain Unable to move Sick from the light I darken the room
I sensed the attack Coming to me again By this daggar of fire That pierces my brain
My eyes are blinded by the sunlight, it hurts my head, you see...How I wish to enjoy the sunshine virtually pain free. Such lovely scents the flowers and trees, summer is here at last...But cover my nose to block them out, these smells have caused pain in the past. I must watch what I eat, no cheese or red wine, it's oatmeal that I seek...While others eat so tasty and tangy, my diet seems so bleak. Helplessness, embarassment and agony are what I feel each time...The pain causes me such ugliness I can hardly find words to rhyme. I hear him ask "Honey, are you going to be alright?"..."Of course I am my dearest, I can see relief in sight." (Oh no! Not the ER again) Each head-ache is very different, to me it is such a fright...To have this pain inside my head waking me in the mid of the night. Abusing my meds is what they call it, whenever I seek relief...Two aspirin and a cup of tea, or a nap is their belief. Another call to tell them at work, "I feel just miserable," ...They may feel sympathy but probably thinking "She's just not that stable." I've been all alone up until now, 40 and never a mate...Can you understand? I don't want to burden anyone else with this fate! We celebrate the days, Martin and I, when my head is clear and sweet...Small things we enjoy like movies and walks, a pain free day is a treat.
Another Day Gone
Jody May-Chang April 16, 1998
I begin to awaken from a beautiful dream My eyes are not open yet but my sweet dream fades fast My first awakening sensation, PAIN, not again, not now, not today
I HAVE TO GO TO WORK TODAY I CAN'T MISS ANOTHER DAY runs over and over again in my head with every pulsating wave of agony
I talk to myself, it isn't happening it will go away if I only ignore it, take my meds, take a shower and go on with life It will go away
To ignore it is to be in denial Denial is not taking care of myself To accept it's presence is to succumb I am weak if I give in to it's power
I HAVE TO GO TO WORK TODAY I CAN'T MISS ANOTHER DAY
Finally opening my eyes, I want to cry not from the pain so much as the damn internal dialog of what I need to do and what I have to do. It's not fair!
Sitting on edge of the bed, the room is dark. Thank God! It's only a few steps to the shower I can do it, I can't do it, I have to do it I want to throw up, I hate to throw up What God
I try to convince myself all I need is to get moving, surly a good hot shower will work But only in the dark. The water feels so good I can only lean against the wall If I could just lay down
I HAVE TO GO TO WORK TODAY I CAN'T MISS ANOTHER DAY
Slowly and carefully stepping out of the shower I dry my upper body I can't bend over, it's like a fiery bomb going off in my head My legs will have to air dry I feel like throwing up, I hate to throw up, I can't throw up, my head will surely explode
"Honey can you pick my shoes up off the floor"? "Oh sweetheart not again." As she looks into my eyes, "You need to stay home today! I will call in for you"
I HAVE TO GO TO WORK TODAY I CAN'T MISS ANOTHER DAY
I can't go to work today I have to miss another day
Another day of my life gone...
I hope everything goes ok at work today I hope nothing goes wrong What will he say when I get back
She brings my ice pack and kisses me goodbye. Little fingers gently stroking my face "I hope you feel better Mommy" His soft sweet kiss on my cheek is the highlight of my day
2 Ice trays every two hours My head is numb from the cold I can finally sleep for a while until the ice melts or leaks all over the bed
My head is burning hot and the pain is unbearable I throw up again and again and again, I hate to throw up My head is defiantly going to explode I feel like I could die, right there on the bathroom floor. How dignified.
Another bag of Ice and back to bed Maybe next time I wake it will be gone
I hope everything goes well at work today I hope nothing goes wrong What will he say when I get back.
My Life as it is Now...But Not Forever
September 3, 1997 This poem is for my Mom, Anthony and our puppy Storm who is 1 today!
Each morning I awake To yet another headache And wonder what the day will bring
Another day gone Another day lost Another migraine that costs so much So much energy And so much time Time for myself, my work and play, Time for my love and my family
It's funny, Time becomes more precious As it becomes less and less
Will my life, our lives, ever be normal again? Or have my migraines, become my best friend? And if we should have a baby... ...can I hold her when she cries??!! Maybe, if I wear earplugs and glasses to cover my eyes Will she know who I am?! The face behind the pain... Will she grow up and have migraines??!!
I have to say...I'm so very lucky, I have so much support But I'm caught Between what's right and wrong... Should I be selfish and stay And effect his life this way? Or Should I let him go, let him be free To live a life! Migraine-Free!!!!
But I need him so, he's my everything If it wasn't for him, I'd go insane! If it wasn't for my Mom, I wouldn't be so strong! If it wasn't for our puppy, The days would be terribly long. If it wasn't for the PAIN, NOTHING WOULD BE WRONG!!!
NO! I will WIN! I'll persevere I will not stop until the pain disappears. I can't let my migraines rule my life I have to fight They're far from my best friend, I'll keep on fighting until the end... The end of them.
I do need to realize and accept some restrictions And be careful of my surroundings, the environment and conditions. But that's O.K. THAT I can do Just as long as he can too!
We'll be just fine, him and me, And so will our future baby All because of the daily care, infinite support, And genuine, unconditional love he has for me, And that I have for him!
I thank you, from the bottom of my heart and of my head. Without the three of you I wouldn't survive this! I love you!
The World of Migraines
When the Headache Foundation requested paintings in 1988 from migraine sufferers, I felt frustrated at not being able to adequately paint that which I was feeling. This poem came out instead...
A world of standing on broken promises And ever so many crushed dreams. There's frustration, worry and despair In my life -- or so it seems.
There are many oft asked questions With answers in all degrees. And many, too many, people It appears that one must try to please.
It's not the pain that's frightful. It's the looks on the faces Of people you love and even those Who stand in uncaring places.
There's the supervisor who can't understand Why two aspirins won't do the trick. Or why there are days it's impossible To work when you're feeling that sick.
There's the ER nurse who gives the glare Of "You're here again, I see." Or the stoic ER doctor interring That you're the town's "Demerol junkie."
One doctor says, "It's your nerves. Help yourself to the Valium." Another one says, "You're a perfectionist. No one can be that valiant."
Yet another says, "I think it's your back. Your vertebrae are out of place." And one more says, "Let's try putting pins In certain points upon your face."
Another says, "I know for sure it's TMJ. Your jaw is out of line." Each one running test after test Eating up your money and time.
If you're fortunate, you'll find the doctor Who'll treat you with deserved dignity And let you know it's not your fault To be possessed by this infirmity.
It's a world full of doubts and fears Not knowing who to believe. Trying to sift the information and guess Who has the winning card up their sleeves.
You're willing to try offered suggestions And, yes, of them we've heard most. From blowing-in-a-bag to soaking in the tub, To pinching the bridge of your nose.
It's a world that can be dreary And your spirit it can defeat. But fight on we will -- as we must -- Until the right answers we meet.
We must remember above all else That we are people first -- who Love, laugh, feel and cry. And to ourselves we'll be true.
Written by Tazamean1
I'm always screaming Screaming at my friends Screaming at family members Screaming at my adorable children Screaming at my most valued love and inspiration my WIFE It all comes down to screaming about my pain For the others they have done nothing for me to scream But my headaches have made me a different person , One that screams Screaming of headaches that I could cry about but can't, Because the pain is so bad that my sobs turn to be Screams... I scream in my sleep I scream in private so others do not see my pain How can I make the one's that are closest to me to understand that when I scream it's at my pain not at them???? How can I tell my wife that she has my heart when I scream at her because of the pain??? How will she ever be happy when all she hear's is screams? for I would give her anything to understand except for my screaming pain I SCREAM in frustration what I have become because of my pain.....
When Did I Become Not Whole?
Tim Fouts July 1, 1998
-------------- Author's Notes -------------- This is my first posting to this type of list, and the first time I've ever actually written a single word about my migraines (although you might not be able to tell, I have written poetry before, but it's been a long time). The thoughts are nothing new, though. They go through my head almost every day. And my lovely, patient wife has heard them all!
Normal kid, sports, music and good grades Was I whole then?
College scholar, drink a beer Hangover headache, right?
Years pass, respected professional Stress too much?
Every so often, once, then twice a month Why so many?
Tylenol, ibuprofen Always behind my right eye Why don't they go away?
I guess they're migraines, Or maybe clusters. Why me, why now?
"See a doctor." "I AM a doctor." Then why can't I cure myself?
Narcotics, ah...relief. Sort of. Am I an addict?
Imitrex, yes! Only half the time. How can I go through another one?
More years, My own practice. What, am I crazy?
More pain, My poor wife, Does she hate me?
"How's your head?" "It's still there." "Do you mean the migraine?"
"Go to a doctor." "But, I AM a doctor." Can I really live on Inderal?
There's always new drugs, Maybe a "cure". Is it possible?
Talk of a baby, Or maybe two. When's the right time?
"How does it feel?" "Like I'm not a whole person." Where did the rest of me go?
How could they live without a whole daddy?
Why me, why us, why ever? When did I become not whole? Where did the rest of me go?
Where do we go from here?
Shards of ice hot brain shrapnel cut through my tender head like lava through a brick of ice cream. We walk between the worlds the pain and I, to the underside of shadows.
Amid the throbs and waverings a twirling craft of colored lights floats airborne in the shadowlands alight with otherworldly colors a festive harbinger of pain.
The world explodes in slivers of clarity I tremble at its horrible beauty. How green is my world! How red the flowers! And how exquisitely painful.
Dancing colors throb with the pulse of the planet I am caught up in it as it dances with my brain I fancy I can smell the colors.
Dizzy sickness rises up my throat until, like a volcano, I erupt breaking my connection to the shadowland. My brain clenches and vomits thoughts Until I haven't an idea left in my head.
Waves of pleasure then wash over me like an arterial orgasm washing away the pain, I ride the bliss, grateful to the pain for bringing me this gift.
It is my thirteenth birthday party this cannot be During a walk with my friends; I stumble into a tree My, I am asked, why do you stare Because my friends the other half of the tree is no longer there The light illuminating from the birthday candles burn bright red Everyone else blowing them out while I lie sick in bed
Ever since then, events came and went Pondering if they would be successfully spent I can remember on my wedding day Dear God a migraine I cannot have, I humbly pray
Now another Christmas has passed me by For here in bed I am with my Bichon douse lie A wonderful meal and laughter at the dinner table I would be in attendance if I were able
For those things people normally eat I find myself longing for a hot fudge sundae or nutty treat But no! I must obstain For I know the result is a day lost in the realm of pain
Neurologist one to twenty three Always comment what they are going to do with me Another unusually named funky med Is the one thing the pharmacies love and I sure do dread
So dear God as I pass out from another attack today Assisting you to carry out the role I must play The only good these nasty headaches can do Is act as an atonement in order to carry your plan through
So migraine sufferers, that is the story! Trying to turn a negative into a positive to add to His glory It may seem a silly thing to do But knowing suffering put to good use helps me through So whenever you are in bed all messed up Remember when you are feeling down to offer it up
As today is here and tommorow is destined to come
Friendly and witty, memory so sharp smiling laughing
Compassion, patience, humor, all Feelings in tacked
Talking is wonderful good and the bad, willing to listen, help if I can
Clear conversation and one step ahead always an answer waiting
Smiling laughing enjoying myself, trying to pass it on to whoever I can
Working a full day feels so good, so many things I can do
The Small things in life, so many things, so much too enjoy
This is just a day, a pain free day, one of few, but with out it I would not survive
Then it feels if it was only a dream
The ordinary feelings of that day slip away into a memory lost, as the aura takes hold
Blackness seems to slowly surround me, yet the light is so bright it hurts my eyes
Intellectual capacity has vanished, my feelings are dead, and my smile is lost
I look around at flashing lights, no one sees, I am alone
A conversation has turned to nothing but noise I can't comprehend
Try to communicative what's happening, but the words are gone, my thoughts are cluttered
So I sit silent and try to pretend theirs nothing wrong, as I begin to sweat, but feel so cold
An unsettled stomach turns to severe nausea that overwhelms me, I know what's next
The ice pick pain in my right eye, throbbing with every beat of my heart
A pain that gets more severe, even from the sound of a ticking clock
The loud buzzing noise getting louder, can know one elts here it, no, I am alone
The look on a loved ones face, a family member being neglected again.
The disruption of plans made, yes I am better off on my own.
Because I could never make them understand.
What keeps me going, even if it lasts a day or a week?
I can sometimes function, despite a level of pain that would destroy someone experiencing a migraine for the first time. And there will be another pain free day, but with out it I would not survive.
I am a migraine sufferer
I am a migraine sufferer. I am full of migraine suffering. worry blindness my world deconstructing before my eyes Pixel By pixel The intense light the intense heat the intense smell literally Oh God not me, not again not now Relax, they say Yes I know but I'm wired this way Aren't I? These nerves these. It is not by choice that my fears take hold take control Of the little things Yes they are only little things
I have said that I would rather be blind. Yes its true. rather to see my brain destroy my vision right before my eyes over and over again. Take control of half of my brain. Last night I dreamt that half of my brain fell out of my head. as if something is eating away at me. My only protection is now my only protection comes from me Because God if you wish to taunt this girl you will not succeed I understand this What you have taught me And don't worry I will survive my mix of hormones Creates also beautiful things Yes beautiful things Like poetry And paintings colors and My eyebrows. Thank you God for my hormones I won't cry at every movie trailer any more they don't deserve my tears.
Perez on Medicine
Jose Perez paints whimsical art dealing with medical topics. Check out The Neurologist for example. These paintings, while rather strange, capture some of the feelings of being picked apart and studied that can be so frustrating. The full collection is located at http://www.nlm.nih.gov/exhibition/perez/perez.html. Definately worth a look!
Migraine Art - Migraine Aura
Klaus Podoll, MD and Markus Dahlem, PhD have put together a very informative description of migraine aura describing the migraine art concept as it relates to literature, painting, and music.